Texas Quotes

Phillip H. Sheridan: “If I owned Texas and Hell, I would rent out Texas and live in Hell.”

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Tom DeLay: “Guns have little or nothing to do with juvenile violence. The causes of youth violence are working parents who put their kids into daycare, the teaching of evolution in the schools, and working mothers who take birth control pills.” more

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Ann Richards: “Poor George. He can't help it - he was born with a silver foot in his mouth.” more

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Ann Richards: “I am delighted to be here with you this evening because after listening to George Bush all these years, I figured you needed to know what a real Texas accent sounds like.” more

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Ann Richards: “I thought I knew Texas pretty well, but I had no notion of its size until I campaigned it.”

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Molly Ivins: “As a veteran of many an electoral defeat at the polls, may I remind you of the proper Texan attitude toward slaughter at the polls?

A few years before Billie Carr died this September at age 74, a friend called to ask how she was doing. ‘Well,’ she said, ‘They just impeached my boy up in Washington, there’s not a Democrat left in statewide office in Texas, the Republicans have taken every judgeship in Harris County, and yesterday I found out I have cancer.’

Pause.

‘I think I’ll go out and get a pregnancy test because with my luck, it’ll come back positive.’”

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Molly Ivins: “I dearly love the state of Texas, but I consider that a harmless perversion on my part, and discuss it only with consenting adults.”

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Molly Ivins: “Naturally, when it comes to voting, we in Texas are accustomed to discerning that fine hair's-breadth worth of difference that makes one hopeless dipstick slightly less awful than the other. But it does raise the question: Why bother? Oh, it's just that your life is at stake.”

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Molly Ivins: “In Texas, we do not hold high expectations for the [governor's] office; it's mostly been occupied by crooks, dorks and the comatose.”

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George W. Bush: “As governor of Texas, I have set high standards for our public schools, and I have met those standards.”

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George W. Bush: “There's an old saying in Tennessee -- I know it's in Texas, probably in Tennessee...that says, fool me once, shame on...shame on you. Fool me...you can't get fooled again.” more

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A. J. Foyt: “I feel safer on a racetrack than I do on Houston's freeways.”

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Butch Hancock: “Life in Lubbock, Texas, taught me two things: One is that God loves you and you're going to burn in hell. The other is that sex is the most awful, filthy thing on earth and you should save it for someone you love.”

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Molly Ivins: “Good thing we've still got politics in Texas -- finest form of free entertainment ever invented.”

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Ma Ferguson: “If the King's English was good enough for Jesus, it's good enough for me!” more

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Aggie Pate: “I didn't know Onward Christian Soldiers was a Christian song.” more

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This page last modified Fri May 11 10:20:54 2012 GMT

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